Fired

You guys, I just got fired by my three year old.

Apparently, if you don't keep the string cheese coming, you're looking at a pink slip.

"MOMMY. You are NOT OUR MOMMY ANYMORE. You ruined my snack."

She graciously decided to re-hire me about 10 seconds later, welcoming me back with smiles and hugs, and retracting her demand for more cheese. "I would have an apple cutted into pieces, Mommy. You could bring it to me."

Oh, MAY I?

This is interesting, though. Pandora's Box has been opened. Can I fire her the next time she comes into my bed at 3 am and ruins my sleep?

Suburban Mom Achievement: UNLOCKED

Most of the employees at my BJ's Wholesale Club know me by sight, or even by name.

And today, a whole bunch of them asked me where my kids were as I wandered around the store all by myself.

Evolution of Style - Bus Stop Edition

I have to bring my daughter out to the bus stop at about 7:50, which means I need to get up at 6:30.  Let's review how this first week of school went, from a mommy-style perspective.

TUESDAY

Hygiene: Showered, teeth brushed, sunscreen, makeup.
Clothing: Dress, cardigan and flats.

WEDNESDAY

Hygiene: Showered, mouthwash, tinted lip balm.
Clothing: Yoga pants, tee, cute little zippy jacket.

THURSDAY

Hygiene: Unshowered, messy ponytail, completely bare face.
Clothing: Yoga pants, oversize hoodie.



At this rate of decline, things are gonna get interesting pretty quickly.

Important Advice

PRO TIP FOR DRUGSTORE CASHIERS: When a lady is buying a big box of super-plus tampons, and she tells you she doesn't have your store's discount card, don't question her. Don't ask her if she's POSITIVE she doesn't have a card. Don't ask if maybe her "mother father sister brother HOUSEHOLD PET for cryin' out loud" has a card.

If you've gotten this far in the transaction without following this advice, you can still redeem yourself. Simply accept her answer and ring her up, quickly and politely.

Whatever you do, DO NOT then ask the customer for her mother's phone number. She will look at you in disbelief and tell you she'd rather not give out that information. DO NOT then respond "I was just going to enter it to see if she had a card you could use," and DO NOT say this in a jokey, condescending tone.

If you are lucky, the lady will be too classy to berate you for this grievous error. She will simply lift her chin, assure you that the lack of a discount card is fine with her, and ask you to please ring up her purchase.

Hopefully, you will then look down and realize afresh that the lady is buying tampons. Super plus tampons. And then you will shut up and ring up.

This has been a PSA inspired by my - I mean, by A FRIEND'S experience.

You're welcome.

Start me up.

After much kind encouragement from various friends and family, here I am.

I promise I will write an actual post soon. I guess coming up with a blog title was all I had in me for tonight, because now that I'm faced with the prospect of actual writing, I'm suddenly very sleepy.

So typical.